What say we round up the hipsters and convince them that wearing a bridle is the new thing. Then we hook them up to truck bikes for a seriously environment-friendly energy source?
Tamed hipsters could be kept in local pens, available for thinkers to use at will, similar to a Go-Get. Short trips might require just one or two, while journeys further afield mean you would need to book at least four, depending on their size.
Further to this, their shit could be recycled and then used to fertilise crops which would grow the food required to feed them.
Pros – keeps hipsters occupied and more-or-less off the streets, draws attention to their plight, driving/riding requires less input as hipsters will naturally follow the leader. Hipster-pens could serve as a source of over-priced coffee. Hipsters not in use could be kept busy sorting vintage clothing, records, etc.
Cons – powering bike will require exotic / trendy foods like kale, american-style burgers, brown-rice sushi, etc. Hipsters might not be keen to be steered towards less fashionable suburbs. Lots of washing of vintage denim, flannelette shirts, etc. Inescapable chorus of ‘like, LIKE, like, like, LIKE, like, like’ as hipsters ‘garble’ at one-another. Hipsters might be hard to distinguish from each other if breakout occurs. ( this however is highly unlikely).